Poppycock
by jagter se maan
Summary: Part 1, Archie and Greg discuss women and DNA. Season 2. Part 2, Archie offers entertainment to a bored, bedlocked Greg. Season 3.
1. Would You Like a Flower?

**Poppycock  
**PART I

* * *

'Good luck, eh?' Archie gave a weary sigh. 'Wish I'd had some of these when I met my last girlfriend.'

Greg snickered into his bottle of genever. 'You were doomed from the start.' He smiled when Archie tossed him a look of dismayed petulance over the mini-cooler. Archie couldn't really _do_ pouting.

'Well, I don't really **know** anything about flowers. What's the genetic make-up for this one, Greggo?'

'Hell if I know,' muttered Greg, and he lay back on the grass. He balanced the half-empty bottle on his hip with two fingers on the rim and stifled a yawn. It wasn't even five o'clock. 'I could tell you the family - which is _Oleaceae_ by the way. The olive family. But the compounds I'd have to look up.'

He tilted his head toward a slouching Archie. 'Didn't you ever learn about flowers from all those women parading around back home? Ar- **ow**!'

Archie smiled innocently. He eyed Greg a moment, then grabbed another beer from the cooler. 'My father was always going on about how a woman's presence was essential in raising a child,' he used the bottle opener for emphasis, '"Got to have both or they won't grow right," he said that all the time.'

'Yeah,' Greg rubbed his smarting thigh, 'but didn't your father have, like, a different girlfriend every month? And that's the fourth time you've kicked me since inviting yourself over,' he added, matter-of-fact.

'You'll never see me making stereotypes out of women. -First of all, women don't _parade around_ unless they're specifically in the mood for it. Use that phrase carefully.'

Greg took a sip and gestured at Archie to continue.

'You listening? Good. One thing I _did_ learn is that women are better than us, on the whole. They're all insane too, but that doesn't matter.'

'**All** of them?'

Archie stared at Greg with a knowing look. Greg stared back, amused. 'All of them. Have fun finding a girlfriend.'

'Ch,' chuffed Greg; Archie leaned back against the tree.

Eventually Greg finished his bottle and set it aside. He turned on his side and looked inquisitively at Archie, who was tapping the rim of his own empty bottle against his lip, gaze distant. 'What's with the kicking, anyway? That a girl thing, too?'

Archie brought his focus back to Greg and glared. 'Stereotyping,' he intoned.

'Yeah, yeah. **Is** it?'

'You know I like you, but I'm not against kicking you somewhere other than the legs.'

Greg raised an eyebrow; his smirk slowly grew into a wide grin. 'As my friend, I say you won't hurt me.'

Archie set his bottle down, but kept his hand on it. 'You know, I only liked you since you told off that swing sub who said Star Trek was a sucky show for geeks. Before that, you were just the new kid who desperately needed a reduction in his sugar intake.' Archie paused. 'You were _annoying_, actually.'

Greg's grin had only grown. 'You wound me with such careless words. But I must correct you; I'm lovable, not annoying.'

'You believe that?'

Greg laughed.

* * *

Author: jagter se maan  
Status: Complete  
**Series**: Poppycock (Part I)


	2. Addicted to Crime

**Poppycock  
**PART II

* * *

'So!' Archie walked through the door, a a bag full of DVDs in his arms. 'You've seen all the classics so I brought TV shows. _24_ ... A_re You Being Served?_ ... _Crime Scene Analysts_...'

'Archie, you _can't_ over-watch classics.'

Archie set down his load at the end of the bed and smiled at Greg. His smile was teasing. 'How many times have you watched _Star Wars_?'

'Fourteen. ...Unless we're counting separate viewings for a movie,' and Greg raised his brows in question.

'We're not.' Pulling a chair over, Archie took a seat. 'But I'll let you win that one: I'll bring in _Star Wars_ next time.'

Greg sulked from his spot under the covers. 'Everyone's going to be "letting me win" while I'm stuck in bed, aren't they.' He shifted very slightly and cast a suspicious eye Archie's way.

'It's because you're lovable, Greg.'

'...I thought I was annoying.'

'You are,' Archie conceded. 'But you're lovable, which is why nobody's skewered you with pitchforks.'

Greg mindfully twitched his shoulder in an effort at a shrug. 'I'd probably prefer sporks, myself.' Archie gave him a Look – leaning forward, hand frozen in the bag, expression between _Where are his meds?_ and _I think I'm im__**pressed**_ – so he elaborated.

'Well, I was thinking of epitaphs, and "Whoops, I meant **Na**NO3!" is cool, but wouldn't it be **awesome** to be able to say, "I was done in by a spork?"' He yawned. 'You know, just a thought.'

'...Right. Greg, where do you keep your medication?'

Greg made a face. 'I'll pass.'

Archie slipped a disc into his laptop and settled in the chair. He propped his legs up on the bed and smiled. 'You do that, Greggo. **I'm** going to watch CSA.'

Greg yawned again. 'Addict,' he muttered.

Archie poked his foot.

* * *

Author: jagter se maan  
Status: Complete  
**Series**: Poppycock (Part II)


End file.
